i lost my voice yesterday
not in the standard way
over the course of three hours
my throat literally stopped working
it hurt to swallow
it sucked to speak
but i had to listen
woe is me!
there’s no audio version for this one
go figure
starting tomorrow
i’m headed offline for the next few month
to a retreat at esalen
where i’ll serve and study
in the foothills of big sur
with 15 random others
it’s a lot of talking
but how poetic is this!
my voice is my lifeline
i’ve relied so heavily
on my voice
to make up for my insecurities
and help me appear put together
even in days when the silence
might give it away
this time
i can’t speak my troubles away
i can’t silence my strife
this isn’t to say i’m struggling
let’s be honest
it’s a lot worse than that
these past 24 hours
have been devastating
so how does this feel?
no words could describe it
get it!
because i cAn’T SAy ANYthING
how beautiful is it?
that the day before the adventure
which i’d hoped
would redeem my experience
at a silence retreat this prior summer
the world wants me to shut up!
if this is a cosmic sign
then you best believe
I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS!
as of the time this post is published
i am on day number three
of my time at esalen
i hope i’m speaking loudly
if not
there is a higher power
and it’s been watching me very carefully
see you in a month :)